I want to talk about some things we can all do when dealing with a nutjob or control freak. Many of these I have used over the years. Some I learned from my own mistakes.
Basically, it boils down to a number of traits and attitudes:
1. Have confidence and feel powerful – If a person doesn’t have any confidence right now, with themselves or a particular situation, then I say , ’Fake it Until you Make it!’
Practice, practice, practice, until you ARE confident that circumstances will work out better for you. Act as if you ARE a powerful human being. Make eye contact with others and treat your life like it should be treated, because everyone deserves to be treated well.
Do not let anyone take it from you! Learn all you can about what being a confident person truly is. Surround yourself with confident people who are impeccable and rise to the occasion of being the best they can be, regardless of circumstances
2. Don’t try to win a pointless battle. Take care of yourself and the things in your life that are most important. Leave the petty things for another day. Pick and choose your battles! Don’t allow yourself to be controlled by ANYONE by getting involved in an argument or stupid drama. Delegate the fighting to someone else who is more experienced and a professional to handle the ’bull’. They will quickly realize what it’s like dealing with your psychopath and may suggest how to handle things from a different perspective.
3. There’s no need to be kind, friendly or nice. It’s not your job to give in to what others want all the time. You can always be professional-like, firm and say no! You are not required to provide your reasons to anyone for simply saying no. You have the right to completely ignore people who try to harass you, no matter what the threat may be. Do not react to them, and never forecast what actions you will take (if any). You are not obligated to be in a relationship with the other person if you do not want to be. You can chose your friends and those you wish to associate with. You can choose where you work. You can choose where you live
4. Be unpredictable and mysterious. You can break the rules and do things differently. You owe it to nobody to account for anything. Never submit to their demands (but you can make it seem like you will). No one needs to know everything about you, especially someone who wants to harm or damage you. This alone can shake things up a bit – the stalker can be thrown off balance and not know what to expect anymore – and there’s nothing they can do about it.
5. Control emotions. Never get mad. Don’t cry in front of the other person. Appear upbeat and as if nothing can bother you; smile and laugh often! You do not always have to be sad – and never appear depressed (or homicidal).
Be business-like and serious when you need to be – confident and resilient. If you show emotion (especially desperation or loneliness), then you demonstrate to others what you may be feeling, and they can take advantage of you when you are vulnerable, or use it against you (legal professionals, law enforcement, and those in a position of power included).
Beat the crap out of a concrete floor (or solid ground) with a bat or a stick and scream to release your emotions (in private!) if you need to get rid of pent-up junk. I used to have to do this regularily. Now I laugh about it. But it felt great afterwards. It’s a healthy way to deal with ’stuff’.
6. Think about yourself (and your loved ones). Don’t worry what your harasser is up to or doing (or planning next). It can drive you mad not knowing, I realize that. What’s worse is you thinking up bad scenarios that have not happened (or may never)! Consider your own needs. What makes you happy and content in your life? Get your life back – start doing those things that you love again. Make it a habit, get unstuck and release yourself from all the negativity
7. Educate yourself. If you’re unfamiliar with certain topics, such as legal rights or finances, then research as much as you can. Information is power. Get yourself a free education by volunteering or working in the industry you may need to learn more about.
Most answers can be found on the internet these days, or by speaking to professionals and experts who know what they are talking about. Other answers can be located deeper within yourself. Always know what your options really are, make a Plan A, B, C and seek guidance on how you can get there.
Don’t believe everything people tell you, especially those in authority (because they could be lying, lazy, or just plain lame). Ask questions when you don’t know what to say. Don’t be afraid to ask questions! Do not assume anything. There may be more than one way to deal with your problem – there can be multiple solutions that you can test and try.
8. Dress for success. Look presentable and professional as much as you can. Do your hair, wear good clothing, spray on perfume or cologne, put on makeup to brighten your features.
Don’t look like a frazzled walking stress-case because people will treat you like one. More opportunity will arrive on your doorstep when you appear as though you expect it. Not only will you look better, you will start to feel better, appear more confident, be taken seriously and treated accordingly.
9. Get a handle on your financial situation. If you don’t have money, spend less and start to save. Be frugal. Consider what you’d like your future to tuly be. Always be on the lookout for additional ways to create income streams.
If you have money that someone else wants, find a way to protect it.
Focusing on accumulation of wealth and success will preoccupy you and take your mind off the meaningless crap in your life. Remember, the one who has the gold, has more power.
10. Disassociate. By choosing to not have anything to do with the other person (unless absolutely necessary), you can gain the upper hand instantly. No one likes rejection.
If they have no way to connect with you, or harass you, and you don’t reciprocate or react, then the game they play can eventually become boring to them – they will move on to something or someone else to occupy their time (without a reaction from you). Their behaviour may escalate, but stand your ground. Keep safe and away from potentially violent situations. Move if you have to.
11. Be sharp and quick. Be witty, ingenious and creative. When you think you have explored every possible solution (and they have miserably failed), consider what the least obvious means to an end may be.
Go with your gut. You can outsmart a psychopathic when they least expect it, as this is all a game of cat-and-mouse to them. Most of them assume you will try to engage others to go against their smear campaign or abuse. The majority of these cases (are criminal, yes) but will never be prosecuted. Know that and accept it.
You can expose their character defects, their weaknesses and gaps in their plan. This can really get them tangled up in a ball of lies and contradictions!
Alot of the above techniques are likely employed by the stalker or psychopath in your life. I heard from a police detective once that if the cops want to catch the criminals, they have to think like them. This does not make them bad or immoral people for doing so.
So put yourself in the shoes of your harasser,and deal with their behaviour by being proactive and ahead of the game. Think like them, but do not be like them.
I believe I have the upper hand now when it comes to dealing with my psychopathic stalker. We are out of sight (and reach) – there is nothing more he can do to harm us.
Until next time… keep safe and sane…